She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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