My Higher Power is John Stamos
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
