I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
