my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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