Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
