I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
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I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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