I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
