lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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