My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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