Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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