Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
