The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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