I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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