so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
