Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
