Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
