but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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