I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
