She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
