I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
