do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mom said you looked used
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
