she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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