you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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