it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
