I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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