Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
