OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
