I look better un-naked...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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