My cat gives me a boner
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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