you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
