if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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