i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
