apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
