please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Houston, we have a squirter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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