you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
