and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
