so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
