remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
