please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
