So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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