Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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