People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
