I bet he comes in French.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
