somebody snuck up and got me drunk
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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