Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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