What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
