Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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