I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
