i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
