If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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