tonight lets celebrate not being married
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
