so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
