Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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