I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
