I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
