i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
