we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
