I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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