i think my tv is drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
