Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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