Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
