Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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