I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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