So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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