I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
