Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
