I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
