i think i have two assholes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
