I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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