When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
