that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so let's talk penis.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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