maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
