Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
