I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
