So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
