I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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