i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
