Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
